The truth is Noone's near me. I don't want anyone. They hurt me. They all seem roses. But they scratch me with thorns. You're not enough. You're just a stranger. Alone like me. But everyone's alone. That is not an excuse or a consolation. That is a statement. I'm indifferent if I'm really troubling you now. I'm troubled long ago. Be careful with me. I'm a woman in chains for so long... I'm dangerously sick for freedom. If I'm not free from now on I'll kill you or I'll kill myself. And my blood will be on your hands. This is my curse on you! I just want to be myself...
Dear smart eyes, the most probable is death will only tear us apart... See, between you and I there is pure mutual need for tenderness and consolation. There will be always hunger for understanding and support. You call me princess, but I'm just hopeless, in a whole house,a homeless. My last bright lights are the same as yours Jesus Christ and Poetry. We didn't met by chance... We met because we recognised each other as spiritual soulmates. I can't write a right poem for you. My feelings are too transluscent to become some kind of art.
There are there deep back two dark green lakes, where once I was washing all my sorrows and aches. I do not remember enough anymore to derive consolation from the wrecks of their seabed. The oblivion and the silence was always enemies of my existence. They were negating me, shrinking me. I was unlucky. I could live forever only with a dream. The reality was so transparent for me! Sometimes I wish I had been born blind.
I suffer for what I accepted. I suffer for what I tolerated. I suffer for what I trusted. Life long gagged thought I that if I fight for what is beautiful, if I was sacrified for the perfect, I would stifle the scream, which were overflowing me would extinguish the fire, which was burning me. What I tried to hide under the carpet became the nightmare which is haunting me. What have I done? I will die silent, burnt, half and definitely alone. You walk in this path only forward. At least I learned some things. I continue to learn. Do not weep, nothing gives hope for ever. I was for what you had got. For nothing more. You were for what I had got. For nothing more. Do not let yourself be deceived. Calm down. No matter where we go to. Yes, it hurts and I move on. In this path you can only walk forward.
The gap is growing and it is unbearably liberating. "I could never be so good to deal with how the old lady will pass the road... "someone said. I was always the good one, thus I grew up... I was neglecting myself. I'm learning now to shrink roles. Learning to forget others. Learning to look at last shortcomings in me. Learning to ignore you, 'cause your love is killing me. I wanted to live with you. I'm here, you are elsewhere. Voluntarily you no longer come near me. It's just natural selection. I have to accept it emotionally, to assimilate it. I owe it to my precious self.
I don't live in sorrow. I live in lifelong joy. Smiling I welcome the playful, the flowering, the sweet breeze of spring. Many ways out, love's around. In children's eyes, gentle caress. Bugs are buzzing.Feathered are joining together. I remember.Always during flowering I have been loved. So I long for what left me to become a picture to the collages of my mind, to thrill me, to look for it but also to shine in my sky like the sun calling me to live. Flowery my past, even though withered. Joy sharing. Creation 's beginning. Struggle awakening! And if the painful scars, without them there, I couldn't feel the beauty. To you,Love! you embrace the life's wild beast. You will blossom the poppies in the purple meadow of tomorrow. Whatever will be your form, you are the Love of Life!
TO MY FRIEND AMERICAN POET cHARLAX!!!
IN THIS YOUTUBE THE POEM IS RECITED BY MY AMERICAN FELLOW POET DARIN PORTER FROM THE MiND Poetics and Writers (Poetry and Writing) fb group
SPANISH De aquellos azahares desatados por la luz de la luna, de aquel olor de amor exasperado, hundido en la fragancia salió del limonero el amarillo, desde su planetario bajaron a la tierra los limones.
¡Tierna mercadería! Se llenaron las costas, los mercados, de luz, de oro silvestre, y abrimos dos mitades de milagro, ácido congelado que corría desde los hemisferios de una estrella, y el licor más profundo de la naturaleza, intransferible, vivo, irreductible nació de la frescura del limón, de su casa fragante, de su ácida, secreta simetría.
En el limón cortaron los cuchillos una pequeña catedral, el ábside escondido abrió a la luz los ácidos vitrales y en gotas resbalaron los topacios, los altares, la fresca arquitectura.
Así, cuando tu mano empuña el hemisferio del cortado limón sobre tu plato un universo de oro derramaste, una copa amarilla con milagros, uno de los pezones olorosos del pecho de la tierra, el rayo de la luz que se hizo fruta, el fuego diminuto de un planeta.
ΕΛΛΗΝΙΚΑ
Από άνθη λεμονιάς
αφέθηκαν
κάτω απ’ το σεληνόφως,
ανάκατες μ'ακόρεστο έρωτα
ευωδιές'
μουσκεμένο στο άρωμα,
το κίτρινο της λεμονιάς
αναδύεται,
καθώς τα λεμόνια
κατεβαίνουν στη γη
από το πλανητάριο της φυλλωσιάς.
Ευαίσθητα καλούδια!
Γεμίζουν τα λιμάνια -τα παζάρια
με φως από
ακατέργαστο χρυσό,
κόβοντάς τα
στα δυο
ένα θαύμα,
από ζελατινώδες οξύ,
που ξεχειλίζει από
τους αστερόσχημους
τριγωνικούς τομείς των δυο ημισφαιρίων,
ο πιο έντονος χυμός της φύσης,
απερίγραπτος, ενεργός,
ιδιόμορφος
διατηρώντας την φρεσκάδα του
μέσα στο μυρωδάτο οίκο της φλούδας του,
με την απόκρυφη και οξεία συμμετρία .
Κόβοντας ένα λεμόνι
το μαχαίρι
ανοίγει ένα μικρό παρεκκλήσι:
με αψίδες ανύποπτες στο μάτι
που φιλοξενούν όξινα φωτεινά
παραθύρια βιτρώ κι οι στάλες
κατρακυλούν σαν τοπάζια,
βωμοί,
δροσερή αρχιτεκτονική.
Λοιπόν,σαν κρατάς στο χέρι σου το ημισφαίριο
ενός κομμένου λεμονιού
πάνω απ’το πιάτο σου,
διαθέτεις ανεστραμμένο ένα
σύμπαν χρυσού,
ένα κίτρινο κύπελλο
των θαυμάτων , την εύοσμηθηλή τουμαστούτης γης,
μια φωτοβόλα αχτίδα καρποφορίας,
τη φλογίτσα ενός πλανήτη να τρεμοπαίζει στον ουρανό.
ΤΟ ΠΑΡΤΙ
Δεν έμαθε, αν ζει, αν πέθανε...
ξανά δεν τον κάλεσε σπίτι...
εκείνος νύχτες ξύπνιος έμενε...
των νυχιών της θυμάται το βερνίκι ..
την ατμόσφαιρα στο πάρτι ...
εκείνο το ονειρεμένο βράδυ...
εκείνος την είχε βάλει στο μάτι
σεινάμενη ,λεγάμενη έκανε..
πως αγοριών βογκητά δεν άκουγε ...
αργότερα οι δυο έδιναν φιλιά...
θυμάται του ερώτα τους ουρλιαχτά ....
πιστεύω είναι ολομόναχη στον πλανήτη ...
έχει παντρευτεί , έχει άλλον αγαπήσει
σκουπίζει ένα νοσταλγίας δάκρυ
από των ματιών του την άκρη...
ΣΟΦΙΑ ΒΕΛΛΟΥ 11/3 /2012